I JUST WANT TO INTRODUCE THE BIGGEST BITCH IN MY LIFE TO EVERYONE. THIS IS MY BFF, ALISON, AND HER DAMNED TO HELL BLOG. HER 1ST & IN ALL LIKELIHOOD LAST POST. MY APOLOGIES.
Dear Mr. Tom W. Hiddleston,
I had an epiphany today.
If we ever met I’d rub my body against your body and ask if you wanted to go for a run. You’d probably wear an Armani suit. You’d probably wear it well. Our relationship would of course blossom into something wonderful. Then one day, the next afternoon, I would realize that you are always happy and smiling and doing happy smiley shit. I’d realize that I hate you despite the aesthetics and contemplate kicking you, but before I could you would say some crazy shit like, “Who’s your favorite Disney character?”
It would sound posh and elegant.
I’d say, “You first.”
Then you’d say, “At the same time.”
I would hate you even more, because the bitch is strong in me.
You would of course smile and say some shit like, “Ariel or Belle or Geppetto because his love brought a wooden boy to life.”
At the same time I would say, “Maleficent! She’s awesome. I so wanted that sleepy bitch to die die die, plus her clothes were ass.”
You’d laugh. I’d beat you with my broken iPod. This is why my blog isn’t about you.